I truly feel like I’ve evolved from “Orphan Annie” to “Annie Get Your Gun” with ammunition unlimited in the shape of balloons filled with voice, courage, strength, self-worth, self-esteem and unconditional love, I am in awe over God’s amazing grace and how if i take one step towards Him; He is standing there with outstretched arms.
During the summer months of my farming I went through a powerful process in which i had my dad at the campfire. My dad committed suicide 28 years ago. I thought i had forgiven him many times over but truth spoke different. Because my dad had abandoned me – no goodbye, no left behind note – nothing; I shut down to God’s way of life. I had this clear awareness that dad being a man, there was no way i was going to let a man of leadership and of fatherly qualities into my life. 28 years went by where i went to church, sat in a wooden pew, played organ, taught Sunday School and the reality of that was – a numb state. I called myself a Christian reluctantly only b/c that’s what we do but had no feelings of truth towards God. My heart felt cold and icy at the best of times. I couldn’t accept God (good orderly direction) into my life b/c i was closed. The door to my heart was bolted shut.
Well! I feel empowered with His saving Grace. I feel. Once i dropped down the layers and felt the warmth, saw light, felt embraced and safe, I am feeling such a calm. I feel like a woman with a toolbox.
And again this weekend. Same people at the campfire. Approaching them from a different angle and feeling their forgiveness and passing it forward. Amazing Grace.
I want more Journeywork experience in my life. I feel it in the very being of me. And it will happen.